One thing I stand by 100% is that we can NEVER truly know someone. I have heard many people say these words and every time I do I cringe.
“I have known (insert name) my whole life and they would NEVER do (insert incident).”
Honestly, the only person you can truly know is yourself and sometimes people go above and beyond to not know themselves. I saw an article the other day about a girl who talks about her father who was discovered to be a serial killer. I have read similar stories and some children sense that something was off about their parent. This girl shared how she did not understand that her father was this other man when he left home. She truly could not know her father and one would think because he could have a double life.
We are not animals and we can be one way in certain situations and another in different situations. I mean think about yourself and how being around certain people can change the way you express yourself. Unless you’re one of the few people who honestly can be yourself 100% of the time, not caring about what other people think. Then I applaud you for being one of those few and rare people. I like those type of people because I know myself well enough I’m not this way. When I am around certain family members, I have to tone myself down because it’s worth keeping the peace. I know the reason behind this is that I want everyone to like me and I try to adapt in hope someone will accept me. This is driven by feeling rejected my whole life. Over the last few years, I have found myself to shed this mindset. Then again, being rejected by a handful of people who I thought were good friends and a dear loved one, gives you a different perspective.
Going back to my original point, we can spend our whole life with someone and even sleep next to them and not truly know them. We show people what we want them to see and unless you’re a super paranoid person, you often will not seek what a person is doing when no one is looking. I have always been to trust but I have also had “spidery” senses since I was a little girl. There are those handfuls of people who you meet and you know something isn’t right. I remember as a little girl there was this teenage boy at church who just rubbed me the wrong way. This became real when we were alone down in the church basement and he asked me to dance for him. I didn’t like that he asked me to do that, which for me was odd because I loved to perform because what little girl didn’t like the attention? I forget how old I was but I know I was in early elementary school. I was so relieved when one adult came down and told us to go upstairs. I remember telling myself in that moment I would never be alone with him again.
I look back at this event and I know deep down in my spirit that if we continued to have these experiences, he would have molested me at some point. I know that is harsh and a reader could argue with me I can’t truly know this for sure. I don’t care if you don’t believe me but I have had too many experiences to know that I have come across people who had ill intentions. I really wish we could truly know someone and know what is going on in their world. I mean it was a complete shock when I found out that someone I considered a good friend has been “cheating” on their spouse but because they didn’t have sex with them until they had their spouse leave the house they didn’t consider it cheating. They spent months talking to them and going to see them. They were pushing the line, and it hurt me. I was angry because there was a part of me that didn’t want to believe my friend would do this to their family and that they wouldn’t have used me to complete the task. I know it was never about me but they took advantage of me and I look back over those first 8 months realizing all the signs I have missed.
We don’t want to assume the worse of people unless we have had a horrible upbringing and we trust no one. I had a friend that who trusted no one until someone proved them themselves trustworthy. I often will trust someone until they have proven themselves untrusting. What I’m trying to say is that we need to stop saying we know someone and they would never do whatever is being said. I mean it may be true because not everyone is cheating, lying, doing drugs, hiding a second family, stealing, or whatever else they may accuse a person of doing. I don’t think we should take the extreme route and believe that a person is or isn’t doing what is being said. I know people don’t want to believe that woman would lie about being rape but it happens. Whatever the reason may be for the lie and it may not happen often but it does. We need to stop using blanket statements. I know deep down it’s a defense mechanism because we don’t want to admit that someone we know is capable of doing (insert instant). We don’t want to admit they have fooled us, especially if we have made a very strong stance that the person we thought we knew wouldn’t do (insert incident).
I wish I could truly know those people around me. I wish I could say with confidence that a person I think I know would never. I’m not perfect I have only had one person in my life who I would have sworn would never do a certain thing. I would have bet money on it, then the person did what I said they would never do. This post isn’t driven by what this person did I have always felt this way. We can truly not know someone because we only allow people to see what we want them to see.
Have you ever found out that someone wasn’t who you thought they were? How did you feel once you realized that what you believe wasn’t true? Did it change your perspective of the person? Were you able to look past and continue a relationship?