Mommy guilt is something I feel that a woman puts on themselves. A lot of times it’s about things are out of their control. I decided to not allow myself to feel mommy guilt over things, because there is nothing I can do about it. I mean there are some things I could control but I do them for the best of my child.
The picture above is my first son. The left picture is him when we first got to the doctor office and the second one was after he got a shot. This was the first time he has gotten a shot since being in the hospital. I was still recovering from having him so my hormones was a mess but I did not allow myself to feel guilt. He lives in a place where he has access to medicine to prevent diseases that are still taking lives of other children in other places. This was when I realized he had no reason to be sad about the world because he has been protective from any kind of pain.
Fast Forward to almost 3 years later and he is overall a good boy. He is turning 3 soon, but he had his moments as a 2-year-old. Then a few weeks ago the terrible 3’s started to show its evil head. Everything is a BATTLE, and he has to go against everything I say. I ask him “Do you want oatmeal or cereal?” and he will respond with “sandwich”. I’m sure that wasn’t an option. The one day I put all his favorite foods on a plate and he freaked out. WORSE MOMMY EVER!!!! Ok I could give a lot more typical toddler examples of the craziness I’m facing, but I won’t.
Now I know I’m not a horrible mom but I feel I have to become a mean mommy. There are so many parenting theories out there that are supposed to help you navigate raising a child. The thing is one theory may work on one child and it won’t phase another child. I am finding myself falling into the zone of saying one thing too many times and not just doing it. My child is stubborn I know this because he has my DNA flowing in his vein; plus the more I learn about my husband as a child I learn he was stubborn. P3 is smart for his age and we often forget that he is only 2 because of the way he talks. I know I have to start being more firm with him because he is pushing the boundaries. He is an independent child which is what we have been working towards.
The thing is, he is just going to get worse if I don’t put my foot down with him. I know I’m not a mean mom but I know I will feel like it from time to time. There will be days when he has to be removed from the situation because he isn’t making safe choices. I know I have to get through to him when he is doing things to annoy other kids. I know when I tell him I will do something I have to STOP and follow through. I also know I have to be strict with the tablet. I always see his attitude get worse when he spends too much time on that device. I also have to continue to not care what people think when we’re at the store and he is screaming at the top of his lungs. I know people are judging me and him but it’s none of their business. I am not hurting myself child I just put him in the cart because he chose to not listen while walking. Do I like how quickly he flies off the handle? No!!! I sometime wonder what I am doing wrong he reacts this way so quickly.
Throughout the years we have heard “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” Now before anyone jumps on me I know there is a big debate on spanking and I do not plan to address this topic. I think the concept is still relevant. If we allow a child to get EVERYTHING they want, then they become spoiled brats. If we go to the store and they throw a fit and we give them something to calm them down, we are “sparing the rod”. Once again I am not saying you should spank your child but not giving the child what they are demanding will help them learn. I have had a woman come up to me and tell me to be strong. She said I was a good mom because I wasn’t running out of the store or giving in to his demands. She was right I wasn’t planning on leaving or giving in. He didn’t get what he wanted that day and I wish I could say he has learned. He hasn’t because he still has his moments but one day it will stick.
I am not becoming a mean mommy but I have to become a mom that stands her ground. He needs me to teach him the different from right and wrong. He needs to learn how to handle his emotions. I know he understands because there has been many times when I tell him to take a deep breath in the middle of his screaming and he just stops and does it. Then sometimes it just makes it worse and I just want to put him in his own room and let him have his moment. (He is reacting like this now as I finish typing this post).
Do you struggle with mommy guilt? How did you handle surviving the terrible 3’s?