Three Steps…then I fail.


I have always felt that when I finally take steps to better myself, I always get sick. It never fails when I was a teenager and every time I went on a trip with the youth group I got sick. It was so annoying because I never really got to enjoy myself because I spent the whole time nursing my sinuses or dealing with stomach issues. I finally took the step to cut out media in the form of television, movies, flash games, and social media (minus this blog). I want to break the habit I have had since I was a little girl. I have never really cared about many topics outside my bubble. I know I have lived in a bubble because of past hurts, the limited exposer to the world outside my hometown, and just not caring on some level. I have always been a so focus on keeping me happy because I have always felt that my world around me sucked and the only way I could be happy was escaping it by watching tv. I remember crying over the death of the wrestler Owen Hart. I look back and I had no life. When I was really into wrestling, it was the time we just moved in with my step-dad and it limited me in what I could do. I got so into and I do not understand why because it was not like I got into so I could be a part of a group of friends. I can tell you one thing professional wrestling is a male soap opera.

three gold tacks
Photo by Ekrulila on

Goodness, I have not thought about watching wrestling for a long time. I think I have blocked it out for a while. I started to do research if addiction to TV is actually a thing. One thing I have learned that watching TV releases dopamine which causes a drug-like high. I want to become a well-rounded person and began to learn new things. I started to listen to podcast on a variety of topics. I cracked open a book I started a while ago and began to reread it. Then Wednesday afternoon I ate something that did not agree with me. I figured I was having a reaction to dairy again even though it has been a long time. I came home and made dinner which had Alfredo sauce. I went to bed and when Z woke up at 3, I could no longer sleep because of my stomach. The one thing I have always done when I am sick with a stomach thing or even a cold is binge watch. It kills me to just lay and wait, when I have a show on I can partially ignore the fact I’m sick.

blur box clean contemporary
Photo by Tookapic on

 I had to cancel watching the kids because I was in the bathroom but then finally I threw up. I was alone with my boys and thankfully they did really well that day. P3 was in heaven because he laid on the couch with me all day watching the tablet. Z slept, played on the floor, and ate his bottle. I didn’t get sick again, but it took all day before I ate something right before bed. I woke up feeling better but then by noon I started to feel a cold coming on. It hit me quick and hard. I think I may link it to the shot I got that morning. They won’t give you the shot if you have a running nose, sneezing, or had vomited the same day. I guess I was coming down with something thanks to my little guy. I did not sleep well during the night so I ended up putting something on and listening to it while I try to sleep. I am still not well but I watched a movie with my husband and now I have background noise on because I felt inspired to write.

I plan once I feel better I will stop watching shows/movies. Then I can continue to better myself, read, listen to a topic I wouldn’t normally listen too, and work on other areas of my life. I will attempt to cut out media and continue down this path of discovery. I do not understand what the end results will look like or if cutting out media will make me a better person. I know that I need to do something because who I am is not doing anything with this life I am living.

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Photo by Pixabay on

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