I am 36 weeks pregnant and I’m sure his head is down and ready to go. It’s up to my body to decide when it’s time to enter the world. I have mix feeling. When I was pregnant with P3, I wanted him to stay in the whole time. I was glad that he was four days late and came on a Saturday. I had everything in place for my first child; I squared work away; the room was ready, and we packed the car. It was great and my husband was home and he got sleep before heading to the hospital. 


Then with Z I knew he was coming early. I can’t tell you how I knew, but I knew he would come early. Even though I had a feeling I wasn’t ready at all. If it wasn’t for a friend, I would not of even had a hospital bag. The day he came I got checked, and I discovered I was 4cm and I headed to work to finish up some loose ends. I even had to work a little once the baby came. The bassinet needed to be set up, and I didn’t have the car seat ready. He came quick, and we survived. My MIL got his bed ready for him and my husband was at work when I went into labor. He had to go home a few times, so he could bring the car seat but he didn’t know where the headpiece for the car seat was which wasn’t his fault. We made it home, and all was well. 


Months ago I packed the hospital bag; I have stuff for me, my husband, and I finally found an outfit to bring the baby home. I still need to wash the car seat and get the insert in the seat. We just upgraded Z to a new seat so I can get the carrier ready. I would like to get his clothes hung in the closet and make sure I have swaddles ready for his arrival. I would like to pick up a newborn pacifier for him just in case the hospital doesn’t give us one this time. I am hoping he comes early but I should get the last few things ready for his arrival. 

Now back to the title of the blog. I realized earlier today I am dealing with my hormones in full swing. My BF said she has noticed a change in my attitude especially towards certain situations that does not include me. I have a family member who has a sibling who is special needs, and they placed the sibling in a nursing home for 10 days to get antibiotics. This has affected two other family members, and it’s causing them a lot of stress. Because of the age of the caretaker they fear the county will take away the special need sibling from their caregiver. There is a small part of everyone that feels in the long run this may be the better option. Then another family member was up this past weekend and they were out most of time because they told us they ate something bad. Then we found out they have been dealing with stomach issues for a while. They ended up at the ER and had to have their appendix out. They went home the next morning and going to work a few days later. I’m glad they are ok but in less than a year they have broke their wrist at a store in Oct and then in Apr they tripped over stuff in their home and broke both their feet. Then this just happens this past weekend. We fear there is something more serious going on but they won’t tell us. 


Now this is how I knew I am dealing with the craziness with my hormones. I found out someone I knew was arrested for child endangerment. I know this person and they LOVE kids so the fact that this happened is a real tragedy. I don’t know all the details but what I know is people are cruel and should stay off of social media. It’s so easy to judge a person when you do not know them or know the whole situation. I found out on Sunday and it has consumed my mind. I have been praying for this person on and off before I found out about this but now I am praying for them. I know this has to be shattering for them especially since the child it happened to was an answer to years and years of prayers. I had a feeling that this person would have another child again and they finally did. If she is officially charged with this, it will affect her life in such a drastic way. It has left me wondering why and it also opened my eyes that one mistake can change EVERYTHING! 


I am excited to meet this little boy and usually I’m not a new baby person. I love my kids but starting over is hard, but I saw a newer baby the other day and I got excited because I am getting one of those soon. I am ready to have my body back and to meet him. I am a little nervous about Z and how he will react. I told my BF that another reason I know I’m hormonal is because now I am feeling guilty about making Z a middle child. I haven’t felt this way the whole time. I know I will do my best to not let him feel like a middle child. But there is only so much I can do. I’m having a hard time too because I am trying to get him off the bottle, took him off of formula, letting him cry it out so he will stop relying on middle of the night feeding, and getting him to eat more real food. He is ready to eat real food and boycotted baby food. He just can not have it in big pieces because he is having a hard time swallowing. He has been super fussy the last few days and I don’t know why. 


We left the house a HUGE mess after the weekend and family was here to visit. I’m stressing and having a hard time getting it back in order. Oh, and top it off we’re planning on moving to another state. This is what I wanted, hoping, and praying for God’s will. Now that it’s a reality I am having mix feeling. I brought 15 boxes to pack but since the house is still in disarray, I can’t even pack. Which is making me angry. It will take me all day to get this place in order, plus I have been more tired the last few days. I’m tired of dealing with the normal dishes and clean up. As I sit here putting off making my dinner, I have to clean up after the boys. The living room is buried under toys. I know it will upset me if this child comes and people have to come into this place and there is a huge mess. I am allowing myself to be distracted by searching for a place to live, working on my blog, and a few other things that have capture my attention. While I finish up this blog my 3-year-old is falling asleep on the couch, my 1-year-old is down for another nap, and I’m thinking about laying down to rest AGAIN. I know I need to be kind to myself. My body is preparing for this baby and I know it. I want him to come early but I really need to kick myself in gear and get this place in order. 


One last thing that I know is playing a role is that I do not know what to expect with the boys. We have friends who will take them when I go into labor but what makes me upset is that no one knows our boys. They don’t know them well enough for me to just pick up and go. That is making me nervous. No family members will come this time while I’m in the hospital so Pat will have to go home and stay with the boys. I do not worry about the oldest because he is easy to take care of; he eats anything and everything, and he is independent. It’s Z that I am concerned about because he is now eating food but his food has to be REALLY small pieces and the person has to sit with him while he eats. He chokes pretty easily and I haven’t had to use the Heimlich but I have had to pat him on the back a few times. He is also getting taken off the bottle, and he isn’t too happy about it. He will boycott drinking as long as he can before drinking the almond milk. I’m taking him off his night time feeding and since he still isn’t sleeping though the night who ever is watching him will have to either ignore him or give him a bottle. I was hoping my mother was coming this week like they talked about and I was hoping I would go into labor. It would ease my mind but they aren’t coming anymore. I know it will all work out and I have had people offer to help. Which is great, but it doesn’t take away the feeling I have about no one knowing the boys. I guess I should work on a document that I can leave with someone so they have a general idea what to expect. 

The thing is, I know once this baby comes my hormones will not get any better. 

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